9 Mar 2017

lost_spook: (b7 - deva)
1. If you discover a plastic-eating virus, don't take it on a plane.

2. Don't breed mutant killer rats or blue moths. It never ends well.

3. Always wear gloves when handling fish.

4. If you're having a paranoid episode, consider moving out of your flat if you live in a tower block. If you're having a paranoid episode and you're an astronaut, don't go up in the rocket.

5. You don't want to be nothing but a brain. No, really.

6. Don't go pot-holing.

7. Always double check that you've told your computer not to kill you today.

8. Take jet-lag seriously and never sit next to a PR guy on the plane.

9. Advertising can kill you. Also, don't take sweets from strangers.

10. Avoid standing in lighthouses when jet planes are flying overhead.

11. Don't judge people by their DNA or any other unproven scientific theory.

12. It's absolutely okay to break into any and all labs/top secret research centres if the people running it won't let you in. They must be up to something, so it doesn't matter that Whitehall and Dr Quist will be cross when you inevitably get caught five minutes later and they have to vouch for you again.

13. Your secretary is not a guinea pig.

14. Don't wear floral shirts and kipper ties when you visit Whitehall. Try something approaching a suit.

15. Scientists are all a lot of weirdies. But don't tell them I told you that.

16. Science and progress are all very well, but human beings are the worst and will ruin everything. Please check your levels of pride, stupidity, arrogance, obsession, corporate greed, and ambition before continuing with your scientific project. Failure to do so will almost certainly be fatal for someone.

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