lost_spook: (dw - bill)
[personal profile] lost_spook
[community profile] unconventionalcourtship is running again! It is the fest where you take a romance novel summary and kill it with fanfic write your own story from it (actual romance not necessary). It's always a lot of fun. There are banners, those are fun too. (I don't have one to hand right now, but there are lots at the comm. Some of them are even proper ships and things and not ones people made for the lols because of the tempting nature of the template.)

In the meantime, because of that, and because it's being summer, which is always unreasonable, have some summaries from the Unconventional Courtship Random Generator:


439) Birthday Bride by Jessica Hart
The BIG Event
Thirty — the age for marriage
Sexy, glamorous… Servalan tried to think of three good things about being thirty as she sat on the plane on her way to celebrate her birthday. Well, her fellow passenger, Cool-as-a-Cucumber Snow White, certainly wasn't one of them!
But they were stuck with each other whether they liked it or not. Worse, for the next few weeks they had to pretend to be wife and wife! The situation wasn't ideal, but they did have something in common — she was about to turn forty to her thirty — and she wasn't bad-looking, either. And so, perhaps, sexy, glamorous and wed was right for her time of life?
One special occasion—that changes your life, forever!


93) MATTERS OF SEDUCTION by AMANDA STEVENS
Silhouette Intrigue
Inhibited agent turns wanton woman!
Special Agent Donna Noble was anxious to leave her desk job and get out in the field, but her all-too-beautiful boss, Bill Potts, denied each request she made. So when the opportunity to catch a cunning serial killer arose, Donna would do anything to prove herself. She’d even strip off her plain Jane persona and pose as a seductive temptress in the hopes of luring out the murderer.
Instead, she unleashed an even more dangerous scenario between her and her boss. Though taking on the elusive killer threatened her life would falling in love with Bill be the greatest risk of all?


558) The Bridegroom's Bargain by Sylvia Andrew
'Till death us do part.' A solemn wedding vow, and one Lady Nyssa of Traken's young bride ardently wishes to bring about sooner rather than later! Only minutes after the wedding, Elizabeth Bennet is brandishing a pistol at her wife, accusing her of ruining her father and killing her sister.
So Nyssa makes one more, wholly unexpected, vow - that she's completely innocent of both crimes and will prove it. If after six months she isn't totally convinced then she'll take the consequences. What she must do now is win Elizabeth's trust - using every means at her disposal.


559) A Wild Justice by Gail Ranstrom
Despite Lady Molly Hooper's determination to remain a spinster — the better to avenge wronged women — her passionate response to Toshiko Sato, elusive Countess of Auberville, swept her into a web of desire beyond her wildest imaginings. Lady Auberville wanted a manageable wife who asked no questions — what she got was an independent woman with secrets...


560) The Butler Did It by Kasey Michaels
the First Doctor, Marquis of Westham, expects his butler to be awaiting his return home — even when that return follows a five-year absence. But he doesn't expect the horde of strangers who've taken up residence in his house, courtesy of that enterprising butler and a discreet classified ad. One's plan to toss his unwelcome tenants into the street is thwarted by a handsome but indomitable debutant, Mr Dave Lister — who's not averse to a bit of blackmail for a good cause.
Now One finds himself squiring the lovely Dave to the ton's most fashionable events — and what's more surprising, he's beginning to enjoy it. Surely he's not falling for such an infuriating man? The butler has a lot to answer for — but then again, it's so hard to find good help...


561) Cursed By Cupid by Wendy Sparrow
With luck, they might survive their first date...
Dear Reader, this letter is to inform you of Cupid’s curse, which will fall upon you if you don’t pass this email on to three friends within three hours.
Sapphire didn’t believe in the curse and now she hasn’t had a second date in three years… because all her first dates end in disaster. In fact, she just accidentally punched a gal in the face, leaving her without a date for Valentine’s Day!
the Tenth Doctor isn’t sure if the curse is real or not, but if dating Sapphire means occasionally getting assaulted with a chocolate shake or nearly electrocuted, it’s worth the risk. Armed with more lucky charms than a bowl of cereal, Ten will have to battle flying swords, Russian mail-order brides, and shrimp linguini if he’s going to win the girl.


357) BORGIA FEVER - MICHELLE KELLY
Summoned to Rome for her skills as an apothecary, Zelena has already had more than enough of the wickedly decadent papal court. Though protected — for now — by the powerful Borgia family, she knows her very life depends on accomplishing the task she has been set. But perhaps the greatest danger Zelena faces is her own desire for the darkly seductive Bill Potts, better known as the Rogue Assassin. And when she is implicated in a deadly plot, can she trust her lover with her secrets — or her heart?


14)THE NINEFOLD KEY by REBECCA BRANDEWYN
Mills & Boon Super Historical
A Dream…
Adric has been haunted for years by a recurring dream about a beautiful young woman and a dark, forbidding castle. But when his nightmare begins to come true, Adric is caught up in a dangerous intrigue that began over two hundred years before he was born.
A Quest…
the Mistress barely escaped with her life after her father was murdered and her home burned to the ground. She must discover what lies behind these devastating events – even if it places her own life in jeopardy!
A Ninefold Key…
Adric and Missy are fated to meet and to fall passionately in love. But will their search for the ninefold key unlock the deadly secrets of their past – or utterly destroy them both?

(I'm going for option B.)


558) The Bridegroom's Bargain by Sylvia Andrew
'Till death us do part.' A solemn wedding vow, and one Lord the Second Doctor's young groom ardently wishes to bring about sooner rather than later! Only minutes after the wedding, Rumplestiltskin is brandishing a pistol at his husband, accusing him of ruining his mother and killing his sister.
So Two makes one more, wholly unexpected, vow - that he's completely innocent of both crimes and will prove it. If after six months he isn't totally convinced then he'll take the consequences. What he must do now is win Rumplestiltskin's trust - using every means at his disposal.


343) In Room 732: Bridesmaid with Benefits - Amy Andrews
Edmund Blackadder's one rule is: not to sleep with Victor Frankenstein. Yes, he's hot, but falling into bed with him after every wedding must stop! But when Edmund sees a new side to him, he decides that some rules are made to be broken!


340) The Highlander's Redemption - Marguerite Kaye
RELUCTANT SAVIOUR… WILLING SEDUCER
On her first night in Scotland, Bill Potts is rescued from danger by brooding Highlander Charlotte Pollard… Why Charley agrees to take Bill under her protection, she doesn’t know – the unconquerable demons of her warrior past are burden enough without adding the demands of one bewitchingly brave Frenchwoman! Yet her innocence soothes the jagged edges of her soul, and her beauty fires her blood… She might be her reluctant saviour, but she’ll be her willing seducer…

(Clearly one requiring much use of dodgy accents and/or a terrible malfunction in the TARDIS telepathic circuits.)


153) His Hidden American Beauty- Connie Cox
Making Five smile... Cruise ship doctor the Fifth Doctor travels from port to port with no ties to anyone; relationships cause nothing but heartache. So when Greek goddess the Mistress catches his eye he’s determined to steer clear! Dynamic doc Missy is on board for some R&R. The ‘R' might not stand for Romance, but a summer fling could be the perfect distraction. Five plays it cool on the surface, but Missy will enjoy discovering his hidden depths and awakening the handsome man beneath...

Date: 19 Jun 2017 02:17 pm (UTC)
astrogirl: (laughing Kirk)
From: [personal profile] astrogirl
Servalan/Snow White? The mind, it boggles. I just... No. Just no. Servie is one evil queen I do not think is going to find redemption. But them pretending to be married would be a thing of snarky hilarity.

Donna Noble was anxious to leave her desk job and get out in the field,

Well, that checks out, at least. But I think Donna's version of a seductive temptress is likely to be, well, also hilarious.

But he doesn't expect the horde of strangers who've taken up residence in his house, courtesy of that enterprising butler and a discreet classified ad. One's plan to toss his unwelcome tenants into the street is thwarted by a handsome but indomitable debutant, Mr Dave Lister

Well, that is an interesting version of "An Unearthly Child." :) But, really, who in their right mind would take Dave Lister anywhere fashionable? Oh, wait, actually, the Doctor might...

the Tenth Doctor isn’t sure if the curse is real or not, but if dating Sapphire means occasionally getting assaulted with a chocolate shake or nearly electrocuted, it’s worth the risk.

Yeah, he's used to that kind of thing. But I can't imagine Sapphire would approve of the way he goes around meddling with time.

Adric and Missy are fated to meet and to fall passionately in love. But will their search for the ninefold key unlock the deadly secrets of their past – or utterly destroy them both?

Does Adric have Stockholm syndrome from that time the Master kidnapped him? Are they searching for the new, improved version of the Key to Time? Is this the castle from "State of Decay?" I have so many questions!

Only minutes after the wedding, Rumplestiltskin is brandishing a pistol at his husband, accusing him of ruining his mother and killing his sister.

Oh, great, more family issues for Rumple...

Edmund Blackadder's one rule is: not to sleep with Victor Frankenstein.

So help me, I want to read this one.

Yeah, these are, as usual, weirdly delightful.








Date: 19 Jun 2017 02:39 pm (UTC)
liadtbunny: (Adam Adamant gang)
From: [personal profile] liadtbunny
Lols:)

Your butler is with Mr Adamant, One;p

Does the Blackadder/Frankenstein one end up with Baldrick being made? And do I want to know how that goes? (A definite nope!)

I want Bill rogue assassin:)

Date: 19 Jun 2017 05:37 pm (UTC)
sovay: (Rotwang)
From: [personal profile] sovay
Does the Blackadder/Frankenstein one end up with Baldrick being made?

My thought exactly!

"Abby . . . Normal?"

"I'm almost sure that was the name."

Date: 20 Jun 2017 02:01 pm (UTC)
liadtbunny: (DC Script)
From: [personal profile] liadtbunny
Lol or a jar of pickled turnip;)

Date: 20 Jun 2017 01:55 pm (UTC)
liadtbunny: (Adam Adamant gang)
From: [personal profile] liadtbunny
Simms got sick of polishing silver and wanted some of his own, so he ran off with all the rent money and spent it all on a Punch and Judy tent and checked jackets, alas, it wasn't the get rich quick scheme he'd imagined...

Date: 19 Jun 2017 03:33 pm (UTC)
persiflage_1: Pen and ink (Writer's Tools)
From: [personal profile] persiflage_1
93 - I would love to see that fic!

561 literally made me cackle! 😂

Date: 20 Jun 2017 08:40 am (UTC)
persiflage_1: Pen and ink (Writer's Tools)
From: [personal profile] persiflage_1
It really would! I want it badly.

Date: 19 Jun 2017 04:28 pm (UTC)
circular_time: (Default)
From: [personal profile] circular_time
This is terrible and you made me read it with my own two eyes

546) His Secretary's Little Secret by Catherine Mann
Millionaire scientist Nyssa of Traken has always preferred wildlife over weddings. But when the sexy spinster is stranded by a hurricane with her prim-and-proper secretary, the raging storm isn’t the only thing that’s out of control. Now the Fifth Doctor is pregnant with her child — and determined to keep things professional until he earns enough money to pay off his brother’s debts. But can he keep his secret that long? Especially when it becomes clear that Nyssa will stop at nothing to get him back into her bed…

ETA: but seriously that generator is really funny and this prompt community might be just the thing to get me out of my slump as I'm feeling so down after working on the fanfic for year and a half and then… It's over?? Now what?
Edited Date: 19 Jun 2017 04:29 pm (UTC)

Date: 19 Jun 2017 05:33 pm (UTC)
sovay: (Morell: quizzical)
From: [personal profile] sovay
Edmund Blackadder's one rule is: not to sleep with Victor Frankenstein.

I would read this in a hot second, who are we kidding. Also, I feel like this might explain some things about Baldrick.

I asked the random generator for an unconventional romance and it gave me:

345) The Real Adam Brightman - Roz Fayrer
International media mogul Michael Garibaldi puts away his playboy facade and drowns his painful past in whiskey — like he does every year on this night. Except this time Elizabeth Bennet is determined to make him face his demons.

Which, you know, is not the most improbable thing, actually.

Date: 20 Jun 2017 08:21 am (UTC)
sovay: (Psholtii: in a bad mood)
From: [personal profile] sovay
Especially Rimmer and Baldrick running establishments that served food or drink, which I should think no one would be keen on. Or survive.

Oh, my God, that may actually be the worst idea.

It's actually kind of like that Neil Gaiman episode from S5 with an unexpected twist...

Swap time travel for ghosts and seriously.
Edited (italics) Date: 20 Jun 2017 08:21 am (UTC)

Date: 20 Jun 2017 07:58 pm (UTC)
sovay: (Sydney Carton)
From: [personal profile] sovay
and then I had to come running back the generator result, "No, this would be the worst Coffee Shop AU ever!"

I don't even want to think about Rimmer trying to operate an espresso machine.

Date: 21 Jun 2017 08:48 am (UTC)
sovay: (Lord Peter Wimsey)
From: [personal profile] sovay
If its a RD espresso machine it would also have an attitude.

Baldrick would probably think it was possessed.

Date: 21 Jun 2017 08:56 am (UTC)
sovay: (Sydney Carton)
From: [personal profile] sovay
He now chats to the tables while he fails to clean them properly and is in a relationship with the mop.

To be fair, it's the healthiest relationship he's ever been in.

Date: 19 Jun 2017 06:14 pm (UTC)
winebabe: (Default)
From: [personal profile] winebabe
I have no idea what this is but, as always, am intrigued. And amazed at just how much you're involved it! I can't believe how many pieces you manage to post to RaTs when it seems you're a member of every writing community under the sun! It's inspiring, truly.

(Also apparently I don't know how to reply to comments. Sorry to the person I accidentally responded to at first.)
Edited Date: 19 Jun 2017 06:15 pm (UTC)

Date: 20 Jun 2017 03:21 am (UTC)
winebabe: (Default)
From: [personal profile] winebabe
And to think I was starstruck when I came across RaTs and the multitudinous prompts in their list alone...now there are bingos and other challenges! There's no excuse to ever not be writing, haha.

Date: 20 Jun 2017 02:55 pm (UTC)
astrogirl: (Default)
From: [personal profile] astrogirl
Sorry to the person I accidentally responded to at first.

That would be me. Hello! You are entirely forgiven. :) And, yes, [personal profile] lost_spook is impressive!

Date: 19 Jun 2017 06:18 pm (UTC)
paranoidangel: PA (Default)
From: [personal profile] paranoidangel
That First Doctor/Lister one is downright disturbing.

I was playing with the generator yesterday to find a summary and Tarrant had Deanna Troi as a sister and Gan as a son...

Date: 19 Jun 2017 06:47 pm (UTC)
flowsoffire: (Amelia)
From: [personal profile] flowsoffire
Hahaha oh my god. THESE SHIPS! ♥♥♥

Date: 19 Jun 2017 06:57 pm (UTC)
john_amend_all: (zoebel)
From: [personal profile] john_amend_all
I'm sure Sapphire could make shrimp linguini scary, if it turned up in her show. Presumably the shrimps object to it.

I stumbled across another JavaScript romance generator today — one written in the 1990s, offline by 1999, but preserved in the unquiet depths of the Internet Archive. Here it is, though it's not as much fun because it doesn't let you specify the character names.

Date: 20 Jun 2017 06:42 pm (UTC)
john_amend_all: (silverliz)
From: [personal profile] john_amend_all
Quite. What needs doing is to take the prose it generates, and then feed that through the Generator proper. Something like this, in fact...

Passion Under The Dark Star

Waiting alone in the study, by the fiercely-staring portrait he so loathed, with the faint traffic hum wafting in from outside, Jamie McCrimmon thought once more of Nyssa of Traken, the brilliant scholar who had wanted to make him her life's work. She was now, according to three independent witnesses, dancing away the hot Rio nights with the sultry Charley.

Then came an inrush of cool air as the door was flung open, and he whirled around. She was here! "I've thought of you every minute I've been away, Adored One!" she chuckled, pressing her lips to his, and as she dabbed at his tears with the handkerchief he himself had made for her, he wordlessly let his body melt against her own.
Edited (Missed a pronoun.) Date: 20 Jun 2017 06:45 pm (UTC)

Date: 19 Jun 2017 07:27 pm (UTC)
shannonsequitur: (Default)
From: [personal profile] shannonsequitur
Since you struggle with summertime, do you have a fan of some kind (either a ceiling-mounted one or an oscillating floor fan that plugs into a power outlet) to keep a breeze going inside the house? I keep thinking that something like that might be helpful for you.

Date: 20 Jun 2017 01:22 am (UTC)
ravenskyewalker: (Default)
From: [personal profile] ravenskyewalker
I just decided I wanted to pop the Twelfth Doctor and Servalan (if he's got Missy, well, why not Servalan?) into the generator and got:

"The Pirate's Willing Captive by Anne Herries
Kept for the pirate's pleasure!
Instinct told her that Captain the Twelfth Doctor was a man she could trust. But how could this pirate, who had just stormed her ship, be a true man of honour? Captive on the high seas, with nowhere to run, curiously Servalan had never felt more free. If she returned to rigid society she'd become an old woman's unwilling wife. If she stayed with Twelve he'd made it abundantly clear she would become his more than willing mistress…"

...and I just made the weirdest sound, probably what's meant by "the sound I just made was not human," but it was. Agonized hilarity, I think?
Edited Date: 20 Jun 2017 01:24 am (UTC)

Date: 21 Jun 2017 08:13 am (UTC)
damzel: (Default)
From: [personal profile] damzel
I want to play! The prompts are hilarious (although I'm stumped at the moment as to which ship I would choose.)
Unrelated PS - Strickland on Dr Who!!

Date: 21 Jun 2017 08:37 pm (UTC)
damzel: (Default)
From: [personal profile] damzel
LOL. Amazing!

182) The Bride Wore Scandal by Helen Dickson
Virgin Lady...
From the moment Iraxxa first saw the notorious Colonel Godsacre she couldn't control her blushes. She knew she could not hold out for long against his dark and seductive ways.

…Scandalously Pregnant!
Colonel Godsacre only meant to protect Iraxxa from a space highwayman, but she was oh so beguiling. And when Iraxxa discovered that she was expecting, Godsacre knew of just one way to restore her virtue. He must make Iraxxa his bride…before scandal ruined them both!

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